Stephen Colbert Briefly Considers Kissing Up to Trump Like Marco Rubio: ‘Pass’

As the lineup for Donald Trump’s increasingly bleak second term continues to come together, “The Late Show” host Stephen Colbert spent some time during his Tuesday monologue talking about it, including the news that Florida Senator Marco Rubio is likely going to be the new Secretary of State.

Colbert noted that once upon a time, Rubio was one of Trump’s harshest critics, only to become one of his biggest sycophants, prompting the CBS host to joke that Trump must be keeping Rubio’s “balls in a jar” on his desk.

“Trump has begun naming his cabinet, and he’s expected to pick Marco Rubio for Secretary of State,” Colbert said. “I’m sorry I misread that. It should be lil’ Secretary of State.” This was of course a reference to the belittling nickname Trump gave him, “Little Marco Rubio.”

“This is actually kind of surprising, Trump and Rubio,” Colbert continued. “As I’m sure you know, have a long and checkered history. Back when Rubio was running against Trump in the 2016 primary, he hit Trump below the belt.”

Colbert then ran a clip from that election, where Rubio said, “[Trump is] always calling me ‘little Marco,’ and I’ll admit… he’s taller than me. He’s like 6’2, which is why I don’t understand why his hands are the size of someone who’s 5’1. And you know what they say about men with small hands…”

“They keep your balls in a jar on their desk?” Colbert asked, rhetorically of course.

“So, so what changed in their relationship? Well, Rubio saw that people like Trump more than they like him. So he set his lips on ‘butt-smooch.’ And apparently, Trump noticed how enthusiastically Rubio hit the surrogate circuit on the campaign trail,” Colbert continued. “Oh okay so even if you spend years insulting Donald Trump, you can get back in his good graces just by praising him.”

Then after a pause, Colbert added: “Which is why I’d like to take this opportunity to say to our new president elect: Pass.”

You can watch the whole monologue below: